I'm Not a Film Major, But...

Far be it from me to tell a woman how to live her life or how to act. I've seen plenty of men do this and many a guy write a column about it and they all end up looking silly and caveman-ish. So, ladies, you'll receive no judgment from me here today.

Anyway, I've been scratching my head at something I read in The New Yorker today. It's an incredibly witty film review of "Sex and the City" by Anthony Lane, but it also poses some interesting questions.

In all honesty, the show and the movie have never really been my thing, but if you enjoy it, nothing wrong with that either. TV is for entertainment.

Nevertheless, Lane remarks that the film sends some mixed messages as Carrie remarks that her friend fills the void in her marriage by having her husband buy her expensive things, all the while Mr. Big is also wooing Carrie by purchasing expensive closets and other such items for her. Lane then wonders if the film is giving some bad advice:

"At least, you could argue, Miranda has a job, as a lawyer. But the film pays it zero attention, and the other women expect her to drop it and fly to Mexico without demur. (And she does.) Worse still is the sneering cut as the scene shifts from Carrie, carefree and childless in the New York Public Library, to the face of Miranda’s young son, smeared with spaghetti sauce. In short, to anyone facing the quandaries of being a working mother, the movie sends a vicious memo: Don’t be a mother. And don’t work. Is this really where we have ended up—with this superannuated fantasy posing as a slice of modern life? On TV, “Sex and the City” was never as insulting as “Desperate Housewives,” which strikes me as catastrophically retrograde, but, almost sixty years after “All About Eve,” which also featured four major female roles, there is a deep sadness in the sight of Carrie and friends defining themselves not as Bette Davis, Anne Baxter, Celeste Holm, and Thelma Ritter did—by their talents, their hats, and the swordplay of their wits—but purely by their ability to snare and keep a man. Believe me, ladies, we’re not worth it."

Now, I did not see this movie, so I do not know if this is true. However, I'm wondering if Lane is right or over-exaggerating the film's influence.

I, like, many other men, really enjoy watching "Entourage," which has often been dubbed the "Sex and the City" for men. It has four guys who are close friends, spend a lot of money and date a lot. So, yeah, it's pretty similar. Still, while I don't speak for all men, I would say that I realize this as "all in good fun." This is not how I would spend my entire life. All the same, I love this show. It's fun and entertaining.

So, I would assume, that for women, this is also true of "Sex and the City." It's entertaining to see fun-loving people do all the things you'd like to do at least once, but are less likely to get around to. Then again, I could be wrong and maybe this is exactly the lifestyle that many women want. Of course, though, just as not all men are the same, neither are all women. So it isn't really safe to generalize.

Anyway, to all my female friends out there, just out of curiosity and for fun, what do you make of Lane's comments?

Blasted in San Francisco

My evening yesterday consisted of wearing a mask, eating babies and fire. Wait! I can explain everything, but to fully understand what happened, we must start from the beginning...

It was about 7:30 p.m. on Tuesday when my friend Robert (also known as Spackles or Spax for short*) and I decided to take the BART from Berkeley to San Francisco. Spax's new girlfriend Brie was along for the ride and we were to meet up with his friend Mark to snag some tickets for a play up in the city. We didn't really know what this play was about, but seeing as Spax had kicked my ass in Mario Kart and had treated me to some amazing pizza at Zachary's, I figured I would follow his lead on this one.

When we got to SF, Spax informed me that the play was at the Mosser Hotel--a pretty fancy establishment that is nearly 100 years old. However, when we entered the Mosser, things got a little strange.

A British man in his twenties approached us and asked us if we were here to see the performance. Following our reply, he then handed us each a black cloth and instructed us to put it on and leave it on for the duration of the show. The cloths had the eye and mouth holes cut into them.

I looked at Spax and gave him the "What kind of shit did you get us into?" look. We were then escorted by the Briton upstairs and into a pretty nice hotel room. As I walked with this terrorist-looking mask on my face through the hotel with the other theater-goers I overheard one hotel guest call the front desk and ask if he "should be worried." If I could have, I probably would have told the guy, "No, you don't have anything to worry about, but I think I do."


Soon enough we were all placed into a hotel room and the door was shut behind us. Then, the phone call. Spax picked up the room phone and said:
"Hey they want to know if anyone is epileptic or has heart problems."

One guy raised his hand.

Spax on the phone to the production guys: "Yeah there's one guy."
Spax on the phone to us: "They say help yourself to the drinks in the room and feel free to use the bathroom."

...and then this older guy and a young woman walked in and Blasted began. Here's what I can tell you about the play. We were all in this hotel room for two hours watching this show with our terrorist masks on. The play is about a tabloid hack and his epileptic girlfriend (well, sort-of girlfriend) as they hide out in an apartment during a war. I don't know which war, but it felt like WWIII. Half-way through, things get pretty crazy. Shit blows up. There are raids and, yes, a scene involving the devouring of a dead baby.

I have to say, despite the craziness of the play, it was a fun experience and this one British guy who played a crazy soldier was pretty damn good. Aside from that, though, there are some things that we have decided to never talk about...

As such, after the play was over, we needed beer. So we looked around town for an open bar and we found one...that was on fire. Yes, four foot flames were attacking The Chieftain's alleyway. Luckily, a bartender worked his magic (I dunno what he did, but that fire got its ass kicked) and we were in business.

It was a lot like that story in the Bible were God gives Moses a sign by setting a bush on fire...except this time, it was like God was saying, "Drink here, Nicholas."

(I always imagine that if there is a God, he would be very proper, but he would also like Guinness.)

As we entered the bar, a mostly drunk man complimented the bartender for his fire skills and then hollered at a group of young women and informed them that they caused the fire because "they are so hot."

As we sat down for a beer, the British chaps from the play entered the bar and joined us. They were pretty funny. One guy said that at a previous performance, when he was wearing his soldier/terrorist gear for the play, he somewhat conveniently ran into Prince Edward, who for some reason was staying in the adjacent room. Edward pulled this actor aside and had him checked out. He then told the young thespian in not so many words, "You're lucky. If you had gone downstairs like that without being cleared, the body guards would have shot you on site." Also, the guy said they put the show together in two weeks. That's kind of amazing.

*The story of Spackles: When Robert was a freshman in high school he made it through the auditions to join the school's awesome improv troupe, Sanguine Humours, which I later joined in 2003 and stayed in until I graduated. At one of hist first meetings with his new team members, our mutual friend, Danny, welcomed Robert and talked to him for a good amount of time, until suddenly he realized:

"Hey, you don't remember my name, do you, Robert?"

Robert wasn't sure what to tell Danny. At which point, Danny said, "From now on, your name is Spackles and that is what we'll call you." Much like the name, it stuck, and somehow everyone at school began calling him this. I know, not the most amazing story, but, hey, I gave you the background and now Robert can send me hate mail. Sorry, dude!

Movie Time

Update: Apparently my prediction about Batman 3 might actually be true! Also, I made a rather off the cuff remark about Adam Sandler below. I know he won't read this, but anyway, Adam, my bad. I liked you in Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison and Punch Drunk Love and I am excited to see how Funny People turns out. I actually used to imitate his routines in junior high and I'm sure he's a lot of fun to work with.

Ok, I ate and now I can write about the three upcoming summer movies I am eagerly awaiting.


WALL-E (June 27): This is the new Pixar film about a cute little robot who gets himself into all kinds of misadventures. It's basically the Voyage of R2D2. I have high hopes for this film as it's developed by the same think-tank team that did Toy Story and Finding Nemo. I hope they do it right. The original teasers made it look like WALL-E was on some existential journey to find himself with these great/cute scenes of him looking into the sky as he is stuck by himself doing menial tasks. It also had great physical comedy and hell, I would be really impressed if they kept dialogue to a minimum.

I know it's a kids movie, but the subsequent trailers have centered on WALL-E finding a love interest and meeting other quirky characters. I think it's a cooler idea to see a kids movie about finding yourself as opposed to the old school Disney romance flick. You know, leave something there for us young adults. If it focuses on the former rather than the latter, we have ourselves a cartoon classic.



The Dark Knight (July 18): No way can this be bad! Oustanding director and great cast with a very dark (duh) storyline. I know everyone's excited to see Heath Ledger's take on the Joker and I'm sure it will be phenomenal, but I'm personally looking forward to Aaron Eckhart's portrayal of Harvey Dent. Spoiler Alert Below.

Dent turns into Two Face in this film and the word is Director Christopher Nolan really makes you feel for this one. I mean, he's a good guy who becomes horribly disfigured and becomes hell-bent on revenge. In many ways, he's Batman's doppelganger.

Also, expect Cillian Murphy back as the Scarecrow. The film will continue its look into the mafia crime world of Gotham and I'll bet Eric Roberts rocks as mob boss Maroni (the rival to Falcone from the last film). He's also the guy that turns Dent into Two Face in the comics.

Now, this movie focuses a lot on the psychology of its bad guys, which unfortunately did not work for Tim Burton's Batman Returns, but in the trailer you see Batman focus on who he has to become in order to face these guys. Thus, the movie will not forget to develop its title character and (I believe) it will succeed where Batman Returns failed.

Predictions: Scarecrow goes to jail, the Joker dies and Two Face gets away.

Batman 3?: They'll definitely do a third one and I think Two Face will be in it. As for the possibility of other villains? I suppose the Penguin could work if you plot him against Two Face (two disfigured men with different ideas of justice), but I guess that would just end up being the same plot as the Dark Knight. Definitely no on the Riddler, Catwoman, Poison Ivy or Mr. Freeze. Still have the bad taste in my mouth from the 90's films.

Batman 3 would continue cleaning up the mobs in Gotham. Mob boss could be Lew Moxon, the guy who hired Joe Chill to kill Bruce's parents, but that might be too Spider-Man 3. Perhaps the other villain will be Holiday or Hangman, which forces Batman to question himself. These guys get rid of mobsters that are ruining the city, but they resort to murder. Batman would have to ask himself: Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

End of nerdiness.



Pineapple Express (August 8): I love Judd Apatow! The 40 Year Old Virgin, Superbad, Knocked Up and Forgetting Sarah Marshall are some of the best comedies of the decade. This film combines two of Apatow's Freaks & Geeks stars (Seth Rogen and James Franco). The story is essentially this: Rogen buys a special blend of weed called Pineapple Express from his buddy Franco. As he is about to smoke it in his car, he witnesses a murder and flips out. The bad guys see him leave and he accidentally drops the bag of PE, which is so rare that it is incredibly traceable, meaning the Feds are on his trail, too. I'm interested to see what happens as this will be Apatow's first comedy that doubles as an action film. I only worry that his recent time with Adam Sandler may have tainted his funny bone. Hopefully, that doesn't happen.

Job Hunting USA

So I have applied to 11 jobs so far. I made "contact" with one employer and was rejected from a managing editor position at Canon LLC, which was expected seeing as I am just starting out. I'm really crossing my fingers on this one job. I won't say where it is just yet (I'm afraid I'll jinx it), but the odds are good. I am surprised at how many great jobs opened up during this past week especially for entry level positions.

I'm kind of glad I didn't worry about job hunting during my last quarter of school since the few times I peeked on craigslist or monster, the jobs looked pretty lame. Also, I know a lot of my friends and fellow co-workers tried to snag a job during this time and it seems like it was unfortunately a lot of grief that didn't lead to anywhere.

Anyway, sorry for this boring post (all two of you who read this). I'm hungry, though, so maybe when I have my late afternoon lunch I'll have something to write about, although I have some ideas.

Next Time: I'll try and talk about some movies I'm really excited about and maybe I'll discuss this really stupid idea I have for a play that I'm writing (sort of).

Surviving Silicon Valley

I love my hometown and all its little quirks, but it's a little too Twilight Zone for me.

Last night, my brother and I went to the old bowling alley in nearby Cupertino: Homestead Lanes. I've thought about it and I feel that this place alone captures Sunnyvale and its surrounding areas perfectly. While Sunnyvale and its neighbors are the pioneers of technology (Yahoo, Google, Netflix), the area is forever trapped in the past. Let's examine the elements of Homestead Lanes that clearly match the area's culture:

• No Songs After 2003: Like the radio stations in the area, the music the DJ played at Homestead Lanes was dated. It was a "Cosmic" bowling night, too, which is basically when Fun plays under dim lights and buys a pair of clown shoes and a 12 pound ball. I wouldn't mind having old music if it's at least classic rock, but we're talking the worst of 90's alternative and early 00's hip hop. All of my nightmares were there: Sugar Ray, Alanis Morissette, Alien Ant Farm, 98 Degrees and, of course, Ma$e.
• Sausage Fest: The hardest part about growing up here was the lack of the opposite sex. I know that a bowling alley isn't really a place that women flock to, but come on! Of the 60 people at the bowling alley, I counted the existence of only four women. The town is like this, too. It's like women know this is an area full of engineers and techies. I suspect that the women all hide out in San Francisco or some hipper town, like, I dunno, Mountain View or Los Altos?
• Nineties Fashion: I'm not particularly concerned with the way people dress, but it is hard to feel like you are in the city of progress when zoombas and neon colored clothing are still in abundance. Everywhere I looked I saw a character from "Pete & Pete."
• Strangeness: Sunnyvale-Cupertino has its characters. The bowling alley has a bar...with karaoke. Now, I actually enjoy karaoke, but I think it is only good for when there are a lot of people and everyone is drunk. At the bar, there were five people. A 30-year-old woman and her mom were belting out lyrics as three men in their fifties, who were not in any way acquainted, gazed at them with drunken smiles.
  

Having said that, there are also some awesome things to do in the area:

Rooster T. Feather's Comedy Club: This place gets some of the best comedians and every time I go, the acts are even better. Many funny men have traveled through this club including Dana Carvey, Gary Shandling, Jerry Seinfeld and Robin Williams. They serve $3 margaritas and it is actually the location of the first pong machine.

Murphy's Pub & the Adjacent Hookah Spot: Great drinks and blend of Irish pub and sports bar. It frequently has live music with terrific covers of songs people are actually familiar with and there is no entrance fee. Additionaly, I forget the name of the place, but next door to the pub is an awesome hookah bar with an outdoor area and a big screen TV with a full service bar. It also serves some decently priced Middle Eastern cuisine.

Spoon's Bar & Grill: It's your typical family sports bar, except they have trivia! Everyone in the bar gets a little electronic keypad and the TV screens in the bar are set to a channel that has trivia all day long. You not only compete in the bar but with the 1,000 other locations in the U.S. that run this game.

Blue Bonnet Bar: Triple-B is a triple threat as far as dive bars go. Free peanuts, cheap drinks and a great selection of entertainment. The place is fully stocked with pool tables, darts, pinball and pac-man. The place also has live music from time to time. The bartenders are also fantastic as they are really nice to the young crowds and tell great stories. The Metro describes it as "a biker bar without the bikers."

Now, the only problem with Silicon Valley/Bay Area, is its lack of good events. The theater productions are actually pretty good, but holy crap, let me show you what I mean:

June 25: 2008 U.S. Air Guitar Tour in San Francisco. Well, actually, this is kind of awesome, but it might stop being funny after 15 minutes.

June 28: More Than Popcorn: The Life of Orville Redenbacher in San Jose. The description of the event from The Wave Magazine is as follows: "Join Kevin Fish, grandson of Orville Redenbacher, for an informative talk and slideshow about how his grandfather turned his obsession with making perfect popcorn into a multimillion dollar business."

The Escape Bar & Grill on Fridays and Sundays in San Jose: This place sounds really awesome for every other day of the week as they even have pool tournaments. However, Sunday night is "Mullet Madness" and Friday is dubbed, "Ladies Cougar Night." This is actually in the ad as is the notice that every day is $2 Pabst day.

Welcome back.

Summer Time: Dumb in the Sun

It's the weekend so I can take a break from job hunting now (theoretically). Anyway, I'm stuck in the Bay Area indefinitely so I'm finding things to do. Here are a few of those things:

Music: I've been listening to two albums repeatedly for the last few months, but I find that they are also perfect for the summer.


"Vampire Weekend" by Vampire Weekend: These guys are from the east coast and they are incredibly catchy. It's a splash of indie-alternative with a dash of afro-pop and reggae rhythm. I am seeing them in September and I have one extra ticket if someone would like to go with me.

Favorite Songs: "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" and "M79"



"A New Chance" by The Tough Alliance: Even catchier than Vampire Weekend. Hands down my favorite album of the year. These guys are from Sweden and they blend "world" music with pop and new wave flare. I haven't been this into a band since I discovered The New Pornographers in high school.

Favorite Songs: "Looking for Gold" and "Neo Violence"



Books: I tend to be all over the place with my summer reading, but anyway here is what I've picked up.

The O. Henry Prize Stories 2008: I love American short stories. They are quirky as hell. This book picks the 20 best short stories from the past year. The stories have appeared in publications like The New Yorker and give you a pretty good idea of the common themes that are being touched upon by writers these days. If you like a quick read or you are a writer who likes to see how you compare, this book is pretty nifty. Amazon.com's description: includes stories about "a teenager in survivalist Alaska, the seed keeper of a doomed Chinese village [and] a young woman trying to save her life in a Ukrainian internet café."

"When You Are Engulfed in Flames" by David Sedaris: I just got this today courtesy of my brother's girlfriend. I'm hoping it's pretty kick ass. Amazon.com's description: "In David Sedaris's excellent latest collection, cringe-worthy moments follow on the heels of laugh-out-loud ones--you may never buy another pair of thrift-store pants, for example, and that's only the beginning."



Next Time: Okay, I'm tired of blogging. I found some neat bars and an AMAZING hookah place in downtown Sunnyvale. I also found some interesting events. I'll leave these for my next post. Also, as you can see, I'm still finding a writing style/voice that I want to use on this blog. I also need LOTS of help figuring out how to embed videos and music. I know the code to add links, but is there an easier way than just doing the "a href" stuff every time?

Hello Web

Alright, blogosophere, you win.

What to Expect: Reviews, columns (both informed and misinformed), inane thoughts, finds and maybe some short stories or sketch ideas. If I ever do a news article, I will clearly mark it as such and I promise to make it as objective as I can.

What Not to Expect: High School.