Surviving Silicon Valley

I love my hometown and all its little quirks, but it's a little too Twilight Zone for me.

Last night, my brother and I went to the old bowling alley in nearby Cupertino: Homestead Lanes. I've thought about it and I feel that this place alone captures Sunnyvale and its surrounding areas perfectly. While Sunnyvale and its neighbors are the pioneers of technology (Yahoo, Google, Netflix), the area is forever trapped in the past. Let's examine the elements of Homestead Lanes that clearly match the area's culture:

• No Songs After 2003: Like the radio stations in the area, the music the DJ played at Homestead Lanes was dated. It was a "Cosmic" bowling night, too, which is basically when Fun plays under dim lights and buys a pair of clown shoes and a 12 pound ball. I wouldn't mind having old music if it's at least classic rock, but we're talking the worst of 90's alternative and early 00's hip hop. All of my nightmares were there: Sugar Ray, Alanis Morissette, Alien Ant Farm, 98 Degrees and, of course, Ma$e.
• Sausage Fest: The hardest part about growing up here was the lack of the opposite sex. I know that a bowling alley isn't really a place that women flock to, but come on! Of the 60 people at the bowling alley, I counted the existence of only four women. The town is like this, too. It's like women know this is an area full of engineers and techies. I suspect that the women all hide out in San Francisco or some hipper town, like, I dunno, Mountain View or Los Altos?
• Nineties Fashion: I'm not particularly concerned with the way people dress, but it is hard to feel like you are in the city of progress when zoombas and neon colored clothing are still in abundance. Everywhere I looked I saw a character from "Pete & Pete."
• Strangeness: Sunnyvale-Cupertino has its characters. The bowling alley has a bar...with karaoke. Now, I actually enjoy karaoke, but I think it is only good for when there are a lot of people and everyone is drunk. At the bar, there were five people. A 30-year-old woman and her mom were belting out lyrics as three men in their fifties, who were not in any way acquainted, gazed at them with drunken smiles.
  

Having said that, there are also some awesome things to do in the area:

Rooster T. Feather's Comedy Club: This place gets some of the best comedians and every time I go, the acts are even better. Many funny men have traveled through this club including Dana Carvey, Gary Shandling, Jerry Seinfeld and Robin Williams. They serve $3 margaritas and it is actually the location of the first pong machine.

Murphy's Pub & the Adjacent Hookah Spot: Great drinks and blend of Irish pub and sports bar. It frequently has live music with terrific covers of songs people are actually familiar with and there is no entrance fee. Additionaly, I forget the name of the place, but next door to the pub is an awesome hookah bar with an outdoor area and a big screen TV with a full service bar. It also serves some decently priced Middle Eastern cuisine.

Spoon's Bar & Grill: It's your typical family sports bar, except they have trivia! Everyone in the bar gets a little electronic keypad and the TV screens in the bar are set to a channel that has trivia all day long. You not only compete in the bar but with the 1,000 other locations in the U.S. that run this game.

Blue Bonnet Bar: Triple-B is a triple threat as far as dive bars go. Free peanuts, cheap drinks and a great selection of entertainment. The place is fully stocked with pool tables, darts, pinball and pac-man. The place also has live music from time to time. The bartenders are also fantastic as they are really nice to the young crowds and tell great stories. The Metro describes it as "a biker bar without the bikers."

Now, the only problem with Silicon Valley/Bay Area, is its lack of good events. The theater productions are actually pretty good, but holy crap, let me show you what I mean:

June 25: 2008 U.S. Air Guitar Tour in San Francisco. Well, actually, this is kind of awesome, but it might stop being funny after 15 minutes.

June 28: More Than Popcorn: The Life of Orville Redenbacher in San Jose. The description of the event from The Wave Magazine is as follows: "Join Kevin Fish, grandson of Orville Redenbacher, for an informative talk and slideshow about how his grandfather turned his obsession with making perfect popcorn into a multimillion dollar business."

The Escape Bar & Grill on Fridays and Sundays in San Jose: This place sounds really awesome for every other day of the week as they even have pool tournaments. However, Sunday night is "Mullet Madness" and Friday is dubbed, "Ladies Cougar Night." This is actually in the ad as is the notice that every day is $2 Pabst day.

Welcome back.